“Avengers assemble!”
Sorry, meant to type “get all the bits and pieces ready to – eventually – start work on the pallets-into-bench project!”
See, I was never any good at following plans (except those for Air fix model planes that always started “glue the pilot (Fig A, part 1) to the seat (part 2)) and I am not exactly famous for reading instructions for, for example Scandinavian self-assembly furniture. Much to the Plantation Owner’s Wife’s disgust and the exasperation of our daughters.
So, I think I’m best with a stack of random material and an idea. Just a concept mind. Then I begin work and evaluate and adapt to whatever is happening in front of me. Think eccentric illustrator Heath-Robinson meets inventor Theosophilus Carter* and Tony Stark after watching repeats of Nick Park’s Wallace and Grommit.
Somehow it helps if the material is free and I have time and sunshine. So the plasterboard pallets recently scrounged were a real bonus. They fulfilled the original purpose of edging the wildflower segment of our allotment. But then a second hand park bench style seat donated by a relative is getting very shaky. So shaky indeed that we never risk sitting on it in case we have to get up off the ground.
And I had this vague idea of replacing the timber slats. Just undoing the bolts, cutting some new ones from scavenged timber and replacing ‘em. But when I came to try it the nuts had inconveniently but unsurprisingly rusted on to the bolts. Refused to be shifted. Of course I could have got the angle grinder out …
But divergent thinking to the rescue. Make an entire new bench from the pallets. These are proper pallets: sturdy 4” X2” timbers between 6” X 1” planking**. Softwood of course but mostly smooth planed.
Just a vague plan in my head I began. I used the original piece from the park bench to get a width then cut and changed bits and pieces. A tape measure bought for me by one of our daughters (it still has the “Hello Dad!” tag on the useful post –it section) came in useful _ I confess that in the past, carried away with things I have used string to measure things! The answer to the unanswerable question (given to me by a builder down the years):
“How long is a piece of string?”
“Double the distance from the middle to one end – of course!”
I also decided to hang the expense and purchase new coach bolts for safety. But arriving at Screw-Fix I didn’t have enough money – who knew that thirty plus bolts, nuts and washers would come to more than ten pounds, a barley sugar and a spent AA battery?
But eventually things come together. Not always smoothly. But a tweak here, a change of plan there. Like the addition of arms: there were simply enough pieces of timber around begging to be used (“We would make great arms,” they were saying, “please use us!” – luckily I speak Softwood, so understood). I made the necessary cuts, held the pieces where I wanted them to go and drilled the holes for the bolts, so much better than measuring and setting up. Adds to the rustic charm – or am I kidding myself?
Oh and while I’m at it I add extra wide arms so that each of us will have somewhere to rest a mug of tea!
With everyone in the garden spying on progress Frankenpallet’s bench eventually saw the light. Bulkier than I had at first conceived but really secure – and – er – it will fit into the dedicated alcove in the hedge up on site.
Won’t it?
*Not only believed to be the inspiration for The Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland but also the inventor of the Alarm-Clock Bed that was on show at the Great Exhibition in 1851.
** A lot of cargo pallets, being disposable have only single wooden blocks or compressed wood dust separators. Which we use as fuel for our fire-pit. One evening, drinking wines and beers by the fire a guest asked whether the tings actually burned. So we duly stuck one on. This one didn’t actually burst into flames, but it glowed intensely – and next morning was still intact until poked with a stick. At which point it disintegrated into orange dust like some artefact from the planet Mars. In honour of said guest we now know these blocks as “Lesleys”.